wat bout pragnant strippers??
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
