I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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