Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize