Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
