apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
