Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
