Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
