I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
