what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
