Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
