3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
handjob tips. give me some.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
bring money and cleavage
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
