when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
