i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
