So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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