her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We need to get me chipped asap
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The air taste purple.
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