Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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