i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize