I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
