He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I want a musical about memes.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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