I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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