Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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