So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
