I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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