I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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