the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
