I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
