did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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