she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
and you fell through a lawn chair
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
