Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize