I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
