New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
