Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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