What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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