Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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