He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
