The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
