So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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