Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
