All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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