I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
