True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Boobs speak an international language.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize