Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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