Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Randomize
