I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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