So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
