just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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