i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize