If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
