4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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