It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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