3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I accidentally had phone sex last night
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I showed him my bush... on skype.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
