just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
