No stitches, just platelets and will power
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The uberlube is also flammable
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I have aggressive nipples.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
