I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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