can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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