May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
