I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
