I can't watch pbs sober anymore
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
