I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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