I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Can Purell be used as lube?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize