So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
