So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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