My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Even my vagina gasped.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
