Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
