I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
