a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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