I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize