My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
