Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
