The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
