I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
