My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
