bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
