My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
When did angry sex become our thing?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
