He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
