shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize