i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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