Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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