11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
