i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize