i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
3 2 1 whiskey
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
