I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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