Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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