Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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