He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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