from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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