Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
