my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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