I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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