Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
