Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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