shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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