Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
