You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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