You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
