my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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