Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize