I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
