At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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