Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize