never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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