I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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