I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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