dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
