And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize