actually, I'm a sock model
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
