There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
