There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize