Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
