is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
