I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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