I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
