maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
