Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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