overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
